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Lyin’ Ted Warns of Space Pirates, Distracts From Real Threat of Space Reptiles

Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX), better known as Lyin’ Stinkin’ Cheatin’ Ted, issued an interesting warning during a Senate hearing on Tuesday.

“Since the ancient Greeks first put to sea, nations have recognized the necessity of naval forces and maintaining a superior capability to protect waterborne travel and commerce from bad actors,” said Cruz, who serves as chairman of the subcommittee on aviation and space, during a hearing on May 14.

“Pirates threaten the open seas, and the same is possible in space. In this same way, I believe we too must now recognize the necessity of a Space Force to defend the nation and to protect space commerce and civil space exploration,” Cruz added.

While some may be pleased with Cruz’s dedication to universal national security, Lyin’ Ted is just spinning his usual globalist deceptions. He wants Americans to be focused on space pirates to get people’s eyes off the real threat: Interdimensional, time-shifting reptoids likely based at the center of the moon.

Banned conspiracy analyst Alex Jones has talked for years about this particular issue and brought its relevance into the mainstream political zeitgeist:

While Jones may have used humor to illustrate his point in the above clip, the InfoWars founder is deathly serious about this real threat to our planet’s survival.

Jones explained his theories even further after puffing on the devil’s lettuce with known luciferian DMT satanist Joe Rogan:

Lyin’ Ted, whose bloodline is said to be half lizard and half Canadian, is spinning globalist fairy tales to get the public’s minds off the true reptoid threat. The Space Force is certainly necessary, but piracy will be the among the last of our concerns when embarking on the final war against the reptilians.

Note: This article is a parody.